Just as it sounds?!

Little did I know that just a normal conversation with this boy would be so strong and damn thought provoking. 

Flashback

Winters are something that I am, kind of fond of, up in the hills.. the winter sun, basking, the black clouds, those falling flakes from somewhere up there, but equally unbearable temperature, the chilly winds which makes me by all means incapable of anything. If on top of that if there's no electricity you are officially screwed but then comes the role of local and age-old chulhas; to the people who do not know, it is a spot where you are warm, fixed, hit any conversation place; a place where you might zone out to infinity. 

I sat at just the right spot, absorbing all the heat and warmth I could, like I never would get it again, in my own thoughts. This boy who lives nearby turned up bringing me back from my zone. Since it was a weekend, so we had to perform our weekly ritual of exchanging the movies.

This time he came over, but with little guilt. Little mazed I looked at him with the dumb, what are you saying, cannot connect look. He laughed and said, yesterday early morning me and my brother played such loud music you must have been disturbed. You play lots of music as well, we can hear it quite clearly. I thought of accepting the apology, but went otherwise and told that I did not hear anything. He giggled and said then you must not be knowing then that the uncle who used to stay near you, left. I ogled at him. He rolled his eyes and said "Like seriously? You don't know? Where do you keep yourself lost? ". I ignored, the last part, and asked about the old man staying there since I know, so far from his family just to earn some livelihood.

I left the talk there and then he told about, how he wants his own room since he is 22 now, how he wants to control his life now. He wants to roam around and see places around, cook for himself and have a little space of his own; accepting that he is kind of jealous of me. I smiled and looked at him, remembering, how a few years back I was yearning for the same. He saw and giggled, I will tell you one more thing? My family told me very clearly, do not go outside the caste, then he turned to me, little sadness in voice, the eyes speaking of little fear, little excitement and said I already found her, they were late to tell me about it. I laughed at the paradox, I had nothing to say. What could I possibly tell him what he did not know, I did not know, what shall be there in future.

My thoughts kept running back to the old man, why did he leave. It was good here, all comfortable, we had a nice time whenever we chatted. He would share so much about his life. I know I gel so well with the elderly, so I was a tad sad. We did not meet that often, but we were a good company to each other. I couldn't help but ask as to why did the man next door shifted? The boy took a few seconds, as if arranging or gathering words, and then what seems an eternity to me, said "He kept a maid for cooking." Stupefied, I waited for more. He continued, "She is not a nice lady. She is characterless." I tried hiding the expressions and keep a straight face, but he noticed and continued. I stay here since I was a kid. We have been hearing things, everyone knows about it. Her daughters are such, as well. I know I should not say like that and mind my business, but this is a small place, the words go around, people talk, our parents cannot take this fact, they are not accustomed to this. If he stays here, and she comes, this will depreciate the value of our building for further lending, that's what my father says.

I tried to guzzle up everything said, so many thoughts running across my mind, so many, but just one question though I wanted to talk about with this young lad who is yet to see the world, on his own. What about the old man who has seen the world, lived a life, who has been working so that he could support his family? Does his integrity and values means nothing? He took a sip of the coffee, thought and said दीदी, आपकी बात मैं  समझ रहा हूंl आपको हमारी  संस्कृति  और  सभ्यता के  बारे मैं  पता है l हमारी और जो हमसे  बड़े  हैं , उनकी  सोच  में  बहुत  फर्क  है l हालाँकि वक़्त  लगेगा पर लोगों  को उनके  हिसाब से  जीने की आज़ादी मिलेगी ,शायद l [I am getting what you are trying to say. You know our culture. Our thoughts and thoughts of our elders are very different. It is tough for them to comprehend this. It will take time, perhaps, but people will get the freedom to do what they want]. He left.


I was happy that such a young age, he has the capability to think on his own. I smiled, that somewhere we have been brought up well; to think, to comprehend, to contemplate. On the other hand, it did keep me bothered how easily we tag women and men, how easily the good earned whole life could be just lost in a jiffy.
Does the man not have the right to keep a cook, he could afford; does the women did not have right to come back if she was not where everyone thinks is right; does,we ,the people have right to keep judging on past all the time? Do the full grown individuals have no say if they indulge in anything which makes them happy and contended.

Do we or do we want to, live in a world where we tag women or man as characterless and then pushing a human of value to the same zone?

Is the moral police always "right"? Is this what our culture and traditions tell us? 

Or

We interpret everything as per our convenience.

The spot there, I zoned out, into infinity, but just blank!

The Official Unofficial Relation!

Work never seems to end, you sit extra hour or hours, a day or days but come what may, it just does not finish! The working population spends, at an average, 9 hours in office (the traveling and other off-duty on duty not added, still!) which makes it quite a big chunk of the day sometimes creating a barrier in relation you have and sometimes making brief, some unknown and unexpected.

It started as regular conversation with him, a normal conversation any customer would have with any banker, the balance, why this deducted, why not, how etc. etc. He was a loan customer of the bank and very patiently he sat through waiting for me to revert with the data. One of the reasons why rural set up soothes me; people are not in rush, they have patience. Nonetheless, while fetching things for him we hit the conversation about the on going and current things, locally. The apple orchard taking a lot of hardwork and constant take care needed which I agreed to. How he has been managing it with me in between giving inputs about how weather has affected, the pesticides, the market. We did hit it off well!

Meanwhile, people came and went, somewhat agreed, some disagreed few inputs and some with hmmm... Finally he asked about my whereabouts. Then he went quite for a while. I assumed that he is done talking and wants his work done so that he can leave & I did the needful. He kept sitting there for a while but had a sombre expression. He seemed lost somewhere in his thoughts and finally he said "Beta, you know I have two sons." I took some insinuating cue and tried backing out the conversation. But he continued, me and my wife stays here in the village, I don't have any brothers as well just two of us. I was born here, brought up and worked here in the govt department and retired. I tried keeping up with him and congratulated him for completing the "full life circle" as approved by society. He smirked, a thoughtful one and continued, I have 15bigas of land and every year have lacs of apples. I made the apple orchard with my hands since those trees were little plants and now, they are big trees each year blooming to full. They fill my heart and make me so happy! I take care of the orchard, I have always been doing that, it is like my child to me.

I felt the whimper, tried changing the subject to post retirement, go see places, now you're so relaxed, look at me...just working and no other life..literally blah blah.. He listened, smiled and withdrew to some thoughts. I brought him back from the parallel universe and offered tea. So if nothing works, tea is a rambaan that works all the time. He gave a cheerful smile with misaligned, brown teeth and it was contagious. It felt peace to see a smily wrinkled, tired, tanned, lived a full life face. I hesitantly asked Sir, where are your sons? Why don't you call them here or go to them? You have everything, why are you staying here. This house and orchard you made, are for them eventually so you live life and let them take care of all this!

He took a sip, holding tea in his hands and drawing whatever heat left from the tea cup in the gloomy weather hovering outside, the smile kind of vanishing and getting ready to reply such that I understand and absorb, whatever he is going to say. Apparently, I realized the body language, does tell a lot, if we actually observe.
He said, "Beta, mere dono bete doctors hain, bahut intelligent hain. Ek Australia mai hai or ek Germany mai, bahut achi tankah hai unki. Dono ki shadi ho gayi hai. Beech mai hum dono miya biwi jaate rehte hain unke paas, wo bhi kehte hai unke paas rehne ko." [Child, my both sons' are doctors, very intelligent. One is in Australia and other in Germany with handsome packages. Both well settled and married. We keep going to them in between, they ask us to shift with them]. I gave an acknowledging and 'see! told ya' smile! He continued "Main yaha paida hua hu, taa umar yaha beetayi hai, bachon ko yahi paala hai, sab kuch apne hath se seencha hai. Ye mitti ki khushboo, ye apnapan, ye sab chod k nahi jaana chahta iss umar main. Yaha shanti hai, mann ki. Bache bade ho gaye hai, pad liye hain unke sath rehna chahta hu par doosre mulk mai mann nahi lagta or wo wapis aana nahi chahta. Kabhi-kabhi sochta hu ki itni padhai ka kya fayda jo apne hi watan k kaam na aasake." [I was born here, spent my whole life here, my kids have grown up here, made here everything with my own hands. I do not want to go leaving behind fragrance of my soil, this ownness, at this age. I feel peace here. My sons' are grown ups now, I want to stay with them but do not want to leave my motherland and die in some foreign land. Sometimes I wonder, what's the point of studying this much if it cannot be of use to your motherland.]


I kept looking at him and said Uncle, I also left my parents and came to this village. I get to meet people like you while working and your sons' are also doing the same somewhere else. He smiled, took out his walking cane, got up, patted my head and said, "You are a good kid. Don't go that far, that you cannot come back. Mitti ka karz hamesha yaad rakhna or uske baad mata-pita ka. [Always remember the debt of your motherland and then your parents]"

I looked into his eyes, so longing....walking slowly with his cane, he left leaving me downhearted and with so much to ponder upon!

Right on the Face!

Since few months, I became suddenly more aware, kept myself abreast with all the possible 'general' knowledge. I had to make sure that whatever I talk, I make sense of it.

This kind of pressure usually develops when, either the people you're interacting with are less knowledgeable (though subjective still we can keep G.K as base) or they look upon you.
If you understand what kind of responsibility and weight it carries, you surely know what I am talking about!

We use to giggle, bitch, laugh, discuss, pull each other legs, but seldom we do use to get into some serious discussions. She was around a decade old to me. A major difference between us, I would take serious things seriously and my blood would boil, but she would keep calm and talk about things. Another one, I would know things 'not so sure' but theoretically correct and whatever she knew was just so practical and bang on! 

One random day, while I was trying to swot up the dosa maav recipe in her two room rented shack, she asked, "Whom did you vote last time?". I, being from "educated" background where we are usually told do's and dont's which includes not asking the dicey questions, but never told how to answer, if one's thrown at you, felt uncomfortable answering. I tried dodging the question and dragged podi ingredients contents to my escape, which I succeeded with, for now. Thinking that it's my personal choice, why should I discuss my political orientation but somewhere down I was aware that I am afraid of being tagged. Yeah! It was unusual being in someone else's 'personal territory' or somebody's on yours... including your thoughts & orientations!

Another day, another chit chat and me spreading "gyan" since I was the one who was double degree & govt. job holder..Ah! An Uptown girl as they say! I used to share the experiences I had, little science to the beliefs they had, little physics to what they do, a little chemistry, never maths (they were bloody good with the numbers & I wasn't). I would share whatever I know and she would tell about her experiences followed by the questions popping out 'of real life' & curiosity which I would attend to the extent I could.

Elections are just around the corner she said. I acknowledged knowing what's the next question and how wrong was I.
She said-"So, how much you get paid?"
Quite confused I asked- "Paid for what akka? The job? The fellowship? It's between 10-30k generally"
Akka- "No! Not the jobs and all. How much are you paid for casting the vote?"
Me- "Who is paid to cast the vote ka? I casted vote for free. It's my duty which I must do."
She- "Really?! Pavam! We get cash and kind here to cast vote. Last time we were given 500bucks and a saree for every vote. We made 2000bucks last time. See...see.. this is what I got last time. I think they'll raise it this time."
Me-"How (in the world- inner expressions said that) could people sell votes and then talk about it. You know it's not legal. You're doing the wrong thing, choosing wrong person who's representing you. Give the vote to person who is worth representing you. It doesn't happen where I cast vote. Do you realize your vote is worth 100times of what you mentioned. You can make or break a reign."

She looked at me, her eyes having a tinge of little laugh, lips curved to one side, hands doing programmed job with sil-batta finally said - "You don't get paid for it! What a loser! This time I think we'll get at-least 1000bucks, a saree and few utensils. Men get alcohol too. That's what I have heard."

Trying to make sense and make her understand I talked how these paid votes is just money game and then next 5 years you are doomed, such kind of people who so called represent you, doesn't care for you. They spend now on you and later make sure that get back 10 times in return and from you only.

She stopped for a while thinking something and then finally said-"You came all the way just to work for us, our awareness, our development. You tell there are few more like you who have gone to various other villages around the country, to work just like you.
You have earned a lot of respect in this village and around, even though you're a foreigner to this place. If you stand here for the Gram Panchayat elections you would win."
There was a pause, she looked up and said- "People who understand, they want secure jobs and the leftover becomes leaders mostly! You could be a leader but you chose to work under them."

I was speechless and somewhat ashamed. With a sigh she asked, "You tell what to chose between few bucks that would make my family survive and honest vote to dishonest leaders?"

A Rummy Blend

My father always said "In Rome live as Romans live”. His work and travel in Merchant Navy took him to almost 70% of the countries around the world. Whenever he came back or his letters came (Yeah! the snail mail) they had some beautiful story, some rich experience, some lesson worth learning but for me they were like fairy tales from another world. I was more interested in ‘foreign’ shoes, watches, gadgets, apparels etcetra etcetra, “baki gyaan ki kami to hai nahi..mil hi jata hai kahi na kahi kabhi na kabhi😉” (that’s the beauty of being in an Indian Family 😋). The learnings were backseat but somethings stayed (hafta mention in case he reads it! ), this idiom being one of the few.

We Indians, by default, have some auto mode set since birth and tend to have faith and belief in luck & rebirth. Karma as they say! We, rather Indian subcontinent, is the land of staunch belief in keeping the beliefs. As per Naadi Shastra astrologer in Vaitheeshwaran Koil, I was ‘destined’ to be here since I had few unfulfilled tasks or complete somebody else's before Moksha hits me! Duh! So my Karma, through a voluntarily opted social service fellowship, brought me to a village in Tamil Nadu for the project, ‘Awareness of Conservation of Sacred Groves through Religious Connotation’.

Sadayampatti, a place where I’ll have experience of a lifetime and build relations which won’t have name and current birth relations but made out of just deeds & feelings perhaps old birth, as they say. A small village with few hundreds of population, having castes of Konnars, Pandaram, Ambalaar and around the same number of temples. A village woven with various sets of beliefs & driven by the same, an averagely plus minus 10% BPL area (as per the parameters that decide the so called development).

Me and my fellow, Lekshmi being from city stood out of the crowd for all the obvious reasons. I, being a North Indian, have very different features, physique, skin, eating habits, accent, way of dressing & so on whereas Lekshmi, although from neighboring state Kerela, still had half of the differences. Just spending a few days here & knowing we have almost a year to go, we thought of jumping on the ship my father always kept afloat “In Rome live as Romans live”. Cannot change the physical features, but at least can try being one of them?!

The attire of a typical Tamil Ponnu (Tamil girl) in the village, mandatorily shall have churidaar/ saree, a bindi, bangles, chain, kolusu (Anklet), earrings, dupatta and gajra/ rose flower in a neatly oiled plait. Both of us determined to look like one of them dressed almost like that, except for oil and neat hairdo (I’m afraid no one who takes step haircut in life can do that. Ever! )

Just an act of trying to blend in them, the way they dress up & eat, made them happy. Somebody from Velinadu (foreign land) going that much out of comfort zone to be one among them was welcomed with lots of praise and fun. Learning to speak, read and write was icing on the cake for they were impressed (so was I of myself even though I don’t understand after reading what actually is the word..whew!). We both were pretty happy and kind of patted our backs for being able to blend ourselves this much.

Days went by with such little but one of it’s kind of adventures, each time. It was just another hot & deserted afternoon, winds in Aadi Maasam (Tamil month) blowing at around 50mph at least, with most of the villagers resting for that hour of the day. Returning from the day’s task, we both went to a nearby shop across our ‘home’ to buy stuff. Akka asked about my health, for I fell from the Scooty for the record third time (just to be clear, I am still learning and I did not know the bicycle as well, so it's a big deal. No!?), got broken here and there every now & then. After being assured I’m better now, she said: “If you keep falling like this what will your parents think about us? We, Tamizihan, cannot take care of you!"

It was about state’s & a village’s respect and dignity so she insisted on me not driving the vehicle (Yea! the confidence that I can fall again was kinda earned and self explanatory).   I told that since out of the two of us only I learnt driving so I'll be doubly careful which she, certainly, did not buy but nodded. We had a string of talks from kids to water problem; sarees discount to fruits cost; my place to the problem of the current cut (that’s how electricity is referred here); from bus route to our projects on Oorni (Local Drinking Water Bodies) and Sacred Groves (Temple Forests).

After a while, we gathered all stuff & were paying... innocently, ignorantly and honestly, paavam as they call here she asked,”Do you belong to a very poor family?” Period.

We both too confused to react stood with dumbfounded expressions.

She continued “You usually wear the same set of clothes almost every day and then dress up like that.”

We had no reply except for the expressions we had already given so we smiled to her and came back to our room quietly. Reaching back we looked at each other from top to bottom and then there was a burst of laughter for quite a while. Guess we managed to blend even though it was a rummy blend!

Now, I got a question to my dad … ‘How much percentage I should be “In Rome live as Romans live” so that Romans think if not one of them, I'm just trying to be one of them.'? 

P.S- We still dress the same and enjoy being that.. It’s so effortless :) and fellowship officials, plz take note😈

A Slice of Life!

Dinning together we chat, we discuss, watch TV, listen to music, we hush, we hurry, we fuss mostly everything but concentrate on what we are eating, what taste does it have, what all ingredients etc.? Ain't it? We've all kind of discussions, arguments, chats over dinning table but one that took back seat was the source, the food that we need to survive (needless to mention except for when some national TV brings up the debate/news about farmers pathetic situation, roadblocks, peace march, throwing away of their produces, suicide etc.)
This is when, I belong to middle class, still 50% agri based, family where few of my immediate relatives still entirely depends on agriculture for livelihood.
So, coming to this Youth for India fellowship and settling in the rural lives was nothing very new (but not easy) for me except for the change in geographical location and the temperature (i.e- from around 2- late 20ish to 30- early40ish degrees so you can imagine!).

One random Saturday my fellow and me, received a call from anna inviting us to his house for the occasion of his daughter's home coming on her first leave from hostel (there's no term like holiday here 👻😀). Just so made me muse, we all are same human beings yet so different, sees enjoyment in different things. How, that farther we go and achieve something, the more we forget tiny little things in life. ज़िन्दगी में एक ठहराव की ज़रूरत को ही मनाने को भूल जाते हैं हम (We forget acknowledging the need for celebrating the abeyance in life). Isn't that also an accomplishment?
It was home welcoming for a feat achieved by village girl going to hostel, with idli, dosai, sambhar and thengai chutney for meals. Sitting and chatting I noticed akka and chitthi were preparing to go to field for cutting the paddy crop "Karadh Arkaradh" which means cutting of crop and karadh is a type of paddy and I went along.

There were few akkas already cutting the crop and chit chatting. The eldest lady, paati (grandmother) was around 65yrs with tobacco in her mouth & some wrapped up in saree, for later. I was excited to help them but patti scolded & asked me to go back for it was too hot. Isn't it touching when you get warmth and care just like your loved ones do, few relations you made but haven't found name for them. Of course, I had to request her to let me help them with their work and convince that I'll not cut my hand, leg, fingers with aarua (sickle) but just the paddy; I'll not get black (Yes! I had to convince them not that I wouldn't mind getting dark in sun but I'll not get dark 🙈); it's okay for my clothes to have mud and sweat on them.. whew!!
So mission 'just cut paddy and nothing else' started. Around 10 minutes passed, I was already drenched in sweat when I heard akkas around talking about some lady Nandini (few things that I could gather of their chit chat being a non Tamizihan). Tired already, I got up and inquired who's this Nandini and what's wrong with her? And.... there came the answer in bloody 40 degrees scorching, burning heat, drenched and thirsty, that it's a TV Soap! Yeah! That wtf expression crossing my face and followed by a huge laughter by all the ladies around.

Laughing, singing, teasing everybody kept working and suddenly somebody somewhere probably was happy and blessed me, for in a searing Sunday afternoon it rained, for a while. It was like heaven was let loose. Bliss were those droplets replacing the sweat-beads on my face. I felt so happy but it was short lived for it isn't that good as it sounds. It was a selfish thought! How we tend to just think aout ourselves even for a few moments of pleasure. No?! Untimely rains and crops never go together. But, why I did not see even a frown on their faces? They were worried and complained "Ah rain! it will spoil the crop." and smiled. That was it!! The only expression! Just being in field for few hours, I was more angry, frustrated and complaining for the rain than they were. Just 3 hours of my sweat was in there!

Have they adapted themselves and accepted the untimely happenings, the rejections, no support a way of life or they have learnt to be happy and fight each situation that comes along. Are we so restless, intolerant, impatient that we cannot even accept the nature's knock without cribbing forget about a smile on face, of-course unless we are selfish.

We hastened to get under a tree; they discussed TV soap, scolded me; then sang 'on my request' the song which is part of Tamil tradition (knock knock the folklores, songs and traditions are vanishing somewhere they told sadly and I observed disheartingly) while sowing or cutting paddy.
Since it turned to drizzle so we got back to wrap up and around in an hour 5 of us completed the task. As a feat achieved 'by me' they brought a cold drink and they celebrated laughing and chit chatting applauding me. Sometime in between one akka sitting next to me, yun hi baat karte karte, took out a cloth and started wiping the sweat off my face, neck, arms again and again and again till I was dry. I let her do that and just watched her awe. It was a feeling like none other, of being pampered and taken care of, of loving and expecting nothing in return :).
She still had patience, courage, love to do something for someone else in this almost cupboard love kind of world.

A smile crossed my face and eyes were full of respect for these ladies. I couldn't even gather words to thank her. It would have been injustice to her gesture. I just looked at her and she smiled. That is all I could do, take that moment and the feel alongwith me.It's now, I know whom the food prayer is addressed to. When I sit and eat, I know to appreciate the efforts of the people who strived day and night, for food to be here on my plate. I can feel what all hardships and emotions these few morsels of food went through just for me not go empty stomach even a day!

A little gesture and it said all!

Knock Knock.... Take care of the old traditions, the folklores, the stories, the emotions and farmers, they are endangered! Let them survive, they belong to us!

Leaving something for you to hymn, pray and thank....